OCD Showdown

Have you ever suffered from OCD? People associate OCD with obsessive cleaning but that is not necessarily the case. OCD is characterised by intrusive thoughts which are obsessive. When my OCD is triggered, it is terrifying. I go into panic mode. It takes over my thinking, my actions, my vision and often triggers severe anxiety attacks. I am on medication but the OCD manages to overpower it. I’ve even had cognitive behaviour therapy.

Here’s a poem I wrote today as my OCD has flared again and I wanted to express how it feels.

OCD showdown

Why
Just why?
Senses traitors
Neurosis is
Narrator
Genre horror
Kill myself
tomorrow
Thoughts
Of terror
Grip me
In a mind fuck
Prison
Just envision

Your
Worst nightmare
Strangled by
Brain trauma
Everywhere
Wish I
Didn’t care
Neurons firing
Ghost train
At a dead man’s
Fair

Sensory overload
Salvador Dali
Paints a masterpiece
In my
Surrealist psyche
Rachmaninov
Playing concertos
I do not like

It’s not real
It is real
For me
I live though things
You do not see
Fear
Kicks off
Alternate universe
Body shuts off
Emotions terse
I write this verse
To rationalise

Sight fucked
Ears fucked
Dirty
Can’t touch
Bleach
Taints the air
Too much
Thinking
Too much
Feeling
Too much
Seeing
Too much
I need an
Off switch

©2020 Sarah Drury

Downtrodden

I write for the downtrodden
For those who haven’t found their place in this eat you up and spit you out cut throat world
I write for those who need a helping hand to crawl out of their pit of ‘you are shit’
Where misfortune throws the meek, the weak, the ‘I can’t cope’
The afflicted, the convicted, the souls who pray without a hope.
The metaphorical cup of tea with those judged dregs by our heartless society
The folk who wear their labels ‘pray for me, pray for me’.

I write for the homeless
For those who brave the streets of danger, invisible to every stranger
Who passes in their swathes of indifference and cloaks of ignorance
Homeless, human, sentient, despondent, waiting for a caring soul to be respondent
Even an ‘are you hungry, love’ can humanise
Not every person walking along side will pass by and despise, dehumanise.
When will society prioritise these needy?
Why is it ok for people to sleep on the streets, or is it the rich are too greedy?
They sleep in their goose feather duvets of opulence whilst the homeless slumber in piss stinking doorways of petulance.
How many geese have died for your decadent dreams and how many homeless have died in their demonic, hellish nightmares?

I write for the poor
For those who haven’t a pot to piss in
For those who can’t decide between beans for tea or £5 in the leccy
For those who live in mouldy homes, their children chesty
Who stretch their universal credit but they still can’t feed the kids
Who go to foodbanks to fill their bellies till they can win on the lottery and make a few quid
Who apply for jobs but there are so many people fighting for employment and they don’t have any GCSE’s
And they’ve wasted £10 for an outfit in Primani and even begged the job centre, on their knees.
But they’re despondent
Always waiting, always waiting, for the bad news, for that rejection letter.

I write for the downtrodden youth
Hanging in packs like lost souls
Futile at a future that holds no future,
Like characters lost in a video game, battling almost impossible challenges
Obstacles looming, crime rates booming, defiance fuelling dissonance and hatred
Parental roles imbalanced, authority losing their controlling stance
No youth clubs, no activities, no respect, no inspiration, no inclination
To succeed
No hopeful dreams to be freed
From this

I write for the mentally afflicted
My brothers, my sisters in psychiatric hell, conflicted
By ruthless cuts in provisions
No psychiatrists, no nurses, unless you’re ‘severely’ ill
Gp’s telling the depressed ‘try these’ they will soothe your sadness,
It’s only a bloody pill
But pills are not the only answer, pills are like a bandage
They soak up all the tears but you’re still left with the fear, the pain, the psychological damage.
Where are all the psychologists? Where are all the counsellors and where are all the hospital beds?!

I write for the downtrodden
And I know I am not far from the bottom of the heap
I know I am one pill shot of the psych ward
But I have my dreams
I have my dreams.

©2020 Sarah Drury