Bake Off

well I know it’s half a year away, but I was inspired to write a send up of the Great British Bake Off WARNING: the odd swear word Bake Off It’s getting to that time of year again When our screens are invaded by a farm load of corn fed, field raised, free range eggsContinue reading “Bake Off”

Hello

Bit of fun about being plus sized: Hello Hello It’s me in my plus size knickers Nothing to do with my obsession with Mars Bars, Twix, Dairy Milk or Snickers My plus size knickers Black satin, double gusset, masquerading as sexy, toyboy pickers Tailored for the Chinese takeaway, fish and chips, pepperoni lickers Hello It’sContinue reading “Hello”

Shit Mum

WARNING: SWEARING ALERT! Yesterday was a tough day where I felt like a totally bad parent. I felt like rocking with a teddybear, sucking a dummy and banging my head on a wall! I must defiantly admit it I didn’t think as a mother I would be so shit A northerner, a salt of theContinue reading “Shit Mum”

The Birds and the Bees

How do you have sex mum? How are babies made? Then I glance at my phone And see my son has been asking our friend Google Home And our Google friend is no holds barred He says the penis goes inside the vagina And I gaze at these robotic, grown up words And wonder ifContinue reading “The Birds and the Bees”

Letter to Santa

Dear Santa I know I haven’t always been a good girl But please give me a bleedin’ break I don’t ask for much, but every woman has her desires For goodness sake. I run myself ragged, day in, day out Autism mum first and foremost Harassed bitchface, mardy cow There are days when I don’tContinue reading “Letter to Santa”