Tag: heart condition

Daddy

Published on by Sarah DruryLeave a comment

My husband died 9 years ago so not only was it my loss, but my 3 year old son’s too. He has never really spoken about his father before, it is as though he never existed at times, but the other day, when it was our 10th wedding anniversary, my son’s grief suddenly hit him and came out in a huge torrent of emotion. It was a liberating event for him, but devastating at the time, for both of us. I have written this simple poem for him.

To see you
Bleeding your
Heart out
There, son
With your tears
For daddy
9 years gone
His body now
Ashes in urns
Feelings exploding
In turns
of Rage
And sorrow
Crying for a father
For who there’s
No tomorrow
Holding hands
With thin air
Wish I could
Borrow
A future
For you
And daddy

You said you feel
Cheated
9 years passed
When you could
Have amassed
Memories
Moments that last
Forever
Rage
When you’re at
A stage
Going into puberty
You missed all that
Sitting on
Daddy’s knee
And I’m trying to see
How I can make
It up to you

I want to mend
Your broken heart
Fix the trauma
Of being apart
From him
From the man who
Was our rock
Who stood by us
Through thick
And thin
Who passed away
And could
Never say
“I love you son”
And you were
Too young
To comprehend
It’s sad that
Our love had
To end

All I can do is
Hold you close
Son
Salve your
Broken tears
Try to be the most
Empathetic mother
For there is
No other
Now
It’s just me
And you
So sorry, Kid
There’s nothing
On this Earth
I can
Do.

© 2020 Sarah Drury

A Fag, a Joke and a Natter

Published on by Sarah DruryLeave a comment

Happy anniversary in heaven to my husband. Would’ve been ten years today. You were very poorly but we had our love. A very ordinary, working class kind of love but beautiful all the same.

You were nearly broken
But we’d make do
A fag, a joke
A natter
A bit of
Something risqué
A bit of
Something blue
With our
Afternoon brew
We needed that
It saw us through
The shit

We didn’t have
Much time
Together
In this world
Just a few years
I’d call you
My stud
You’d call me
Your girl
I didn’t know
How quickly
Things would unfurl
I was naïve

You were nearly broken
But we lived
Our lives
Like Romeo
And Juliet
Declaring our love
Over a bacon baguette
And a bit of Sky
Tv not
The romantic
Outdoor kind
When your
Body’s fucked
And it’s
Benson & Hedges
That are
Silver lined
With
Imminence

You were nearly broken
But you were
Immaculate
To me
It only took
A shattered mirror
So that all your
Perfect fragments
That the world
Barely
Got to see
Were picked up
In your
Darkest hour
Piece
By broken piece
By me

I broke

©2020 Sarah Drury

Miracle

Published on by Sarah DruryLeave a comment

My husband had a failing heart, I have a serious mental illness. When I found out I was pregnant, we weren’t going to go through with it. But when I had my first scan and saw that little heart fluttering, I knew I was going to be a mum. Sadly my husband died when our son was three and a half, and i was left to be a single mum. My son is now twelve and has been the making of me.

Miracle

We were in a soap opera style medical dead end dilemma
You with your broken heart and me with my broken mind
And you, my little miracle with your tiny butterfly heart beat
Fighting for your right, fighting for justice, fighting for life
Before your valuable life had even begun
Before your life was rife with strife
Before your life was gold plate on the end of an artist’s knife
Before we saw on that tiny screen that you were real
Before your life was LIFE
OUR LIFE.

The room was dark, the air was rank with the taste of expectation
The stench of not wanting to bond, not wanting to get fond
The nurse was alert, we were terse, all those feelings we hadn’t rehearsed
All those barriers made for tearing down
And that tiny heartbeat, fluttering like an angel’s wings
Spoke to us, spoke of things, of family rings, of a child raised finer than wise kings.

We were the merry three, we never did foresee
That we would one day be the hurting two
When the beat of your broken heart became silent like the morning dew
When we had always looked up to you, loved you.
But we made the most beautiful duet, even if as a mother I had little clue.

And now our son is twelve.
He has his kingly ways, the face of an innocent angel
Yet there are those testing times he tries to pray
For his long gone daddy, for the fun time family days
The childish pictures on the fridge of the happy family three
The stories at school he tells of sitting on his daddy’s loving knee
Of teddy bear’s picnics and sharing with his daddy cups of lukewarm tea

But he knows his daddy’s love will always be here
For love is a memory of an angel in heaven, a star in the universe
Love is a fleeting feeling, love is a beautiful prayer
And his daddy is always here
Beating inside his little heart
His daddy is always right here…

©2020 Sarah Drury

The Last Moment

Published on by Sarah Drury2 Comments

Your hand in my hand
Like a reticent child putting on
Winter mittens
Made of old, weathered parchment.
Sitting here
Dying here
In this soulless intensive care department
As the sorrow cries
And tears so hot they’re dry
And fragile remnants of hope die
And like a bird
I want to fly
Far away
From here.
From here.

Is that your heart I hear?
Or is it some medical mechanism
I don’t know what’s louder
the life support technology
or the sterile lack of humanism.
But your hand is in my hand
You are mine
This cameo moment in time
This desperation on a lifeline
All those times I thought we’d be fine.
All those times
And we’re not, now.

But here we are
Saying our last goodbyes
The windows to your soul
Are sleeping, peaceful, closed
The eyes so blue
That used to shine in a brilliant, sapphire hue.
Do you dream, my darling?
Is your world filled with timeless memories?
Fleeting whispers of the things we used to do.
Or am I dreaming?
Am i holding onto you
When I know your soul is ready
drifting down the final avenue
drifting
drifting

So goodbye darling
I will let you go
Goodbye darling
Its time now
I know
I know
I know.

©2019 Sarah Drury