The M Word

CAUTION: EXPLICIT LANGUAGE AND SEXUAL CONTENT

Man sits with his
hand down his pants
Masturbating sir?
Fiddling with your bits?
And that is acceptable

Woman sits with her
hand down her pants
Masturbating madam?
Playing with your clit?
And that is NOT acceptable

He’s
Spanking the Monkey
Jerking the Gherkin
Beating his meat
Waxing the carrot
Tugging the slug
Burping the worm
Playing pocket pinball
Pulling the Pope
He’s wanking
He’s wanking
He’s wanking

And guess what?

WOMEN MASTURBATE

We’re
Auditioning the finger puppets
Fanning the fur
Buttering our muffin
Diddling Miss Daisy
Playing the piano
Petting the bunny
Flicking the bean
Smacking the pony
She’s wanking
She’s wanking
She’s wanking
(but ‘nicely’)

And why do all the
female wanking
euphemisms
Sound so goddam acceptable
So goddam wholesome
So goddam
NICE!

Do we have to be
beautified and stereotyped
even in masturbation?

Is it because it sounds
gentler falling upon
women’s ears?

Or less offensive
Screaming in the ears
of the men?

©2020 Sarah Drury

Less of a Woman

I can’t cook
And if I could
I wouldn’t

Does that make me
less of a woman?

I can’t knit
fancy outfits for
newborn babies
I can’t shit
rainbows like
magical unicorns

I can’t follow the
make up tutorials
on YouTube
I don’t shave
my precious pussy

Does that make me
less of a woman?

I can’t teeter around
in heels
I don’t squeeze myself
into sexist ideals

I can’t think
cos I’m psychotic
I can’t scream
cos my mouth is
silenced with the
adjectives of misogyny

Does that make me
less of a woman?

I can’t bear child
cos I’m ‘too old’
I can’t menstruate
cos I’m ‘too old’

I can’t wear bikinis
cos I’m ‘too old’
I can’t masturbate
cos I’m ‘too old’

Does that make me
less of a woman?

I can do what I want
when I fucking want
I can fuck who I want
when I fucking want
I can be who I want
when I fucking want

Does that make me
less of a woman?

©2020 Sarah Drury

Hairless

These lockdown times! I bet by the end of it, half of us will look like we never set foot in a hairdressers or beauty salon in our lives. My razor sits untouched on the sink, it’s been there for weeks. But you know, I just don’t care. Being stuck within four walls, with limited social contact, I haven’t felt the need to be primping and preening every day. It makes me think, jus who are we doing it for? Us? Are we shamed into believing that we are not ‘normal’ if we don’t render ourselves hairless? Or not beautiful? Do we live our lives constantly feeding into media hype on the standards of beauty? Are we afraid of ridicule and rejection?

A poem:

Hairless

The razor sits there
On the sink
Looking forlorn
Day after day
Like a predator
of feminine power
reborn

Lockdown lethargy
Won’t be seeing a lover
Can always cover
my stubble
But why the fuck
should I?
I don’t need self isolation
to prove myself
to another

Smooth armpits
Smooth legs
Smooth fannies
Smooth chins
Smooth moustaches
Red lips
Killer false eyelashes
Supermarket dashes
for razors
and baby lotion

That razor’s been
sitting there a
very long time
Since I was a girl
and the magazines
said I would be pretty
if I was hairless
Look at me now
My fanny’s a big hairy mess
my cheese grater legs
don’t give a fuck
I don’t care
I don’t want to caress
anyone who cares less
of me
because I won’t dress
my body
in false aspirations

Who feels the need
for pretty?
Is it me?
Do I look in that mirror
and see
a monster
created by the media
fuelled by misogyny
I’m not a fucking fairy
on a Christmas tree

So, fuck you, razor
Fuck you!

©2020 Sarah Drury

Sitting at the Doctor’s Surgery

I’m sitting at the doctor’s surgery

I’m sitting at the generic magnolia doctor’s surgery
Waiting to tell her my worries and thoughts
Because I am sick, surely soon I’ll face death
The Grim Reaper will be snogging away my last breath
And the demons and angels will be playing crosses and noughts
With the discount passport to a paradise Heaven I have bought
from a dodgy offer on Groupon

I’m sitting at the doctor’s surgery
Watching the receptionist with her graces and airs
The façade of the NHS
the administrative face that usually says ‘I don’t particularly care’
Watching the faces, the faces, the faces
The hues, the sizes, the myriad races
Who knows why they’re here, how they’re sick, who’s a dick
Who’s a racist, who acts like a nationalist prick
Yet you still see some English
Resentment seeping through their red and white bones
Wishing the migrants were fucked off back to their native homes.

I’m sitting at the doctor’s surgery
when my number comes up on the screen
I feel like I’ve won the lottery
I float through the double doors like a teenager having a wet dream
And its double jackpot with my doctor of choice
With her medical degree and her authoritative voice
I don’t know why, but I have no faith in doctors of the male gender
Why do the ladies always seem more knowledgeable and tender?
And is there a ‘Me Too’ movement in the medical world?
Or is it not time yet?
Has the notion of medical sexual abuse not yet unfurled?

I’m sitting at the doctor’s surgery
Lying on the ‘I’m vulnerable’ examination table
The only hands that have roamed my flesh in eight long years
Are working their magic, seeing if my heart is stable
Hands of middle age that fought for their equality
Hands of clever knowledge that have equal power on the Adam and Eve tree
Hands that prove that women can, and women can, and women can
And women can without a man
Winning races, blasting through misogynist traces
An army of female, heroine faces
I salute.

I’m sitting at the doctor’s surgery
Collecting my prescription
I don’t pay as I’m diabetic and that’s my benediction
How many people go without
Their madness meds, their wellness meds
The bones of their existence meds
Through poverty and hardship
As this country is in its austerity grip?
And i ponder over how many mentally ill
Are roaming the cities, crazy for want of an antipsychotic pill
And how many are living on the edge of a depression knife
And how many will take their life?
How many?

I’m sitting at the doctor’s surgery
Wondering how long will this go on?
How long will the NHS be a free commodity?
How long will it be before Boris starts singing Donald Trump’s song?
Our national treasure sacrificed through money and greed
By those that don’t give a shit for the proles who have greatest need
Let us never see the day.
Let us pray
Let us pray

©2019 Sarah Drury