Confession

I partook in a 5 day poetry workshop focussing on the soul, and it was a real challenge as my poetry is not so introspective. This is one of the poems I wrote:

One day, my soul
I will feel you
I will feel solace in your infinite wisdom
Some say our souls
dwell within our bodies
But I know it is our bodies
which dwell within our souls

One day, my soul
Your magnanimous love
will be treasured at a time
When this Earthly vessel
wraps its anxious grief
around a troubled mind
Lost in a sea of tumultuous emotion
My soul cries out for
the empathy of humankind
And I don’t know if
I will make it
in this shattered time
of broken promises
But I know there is a plan
within your wisdom

One day, my soul
I will love this damaged skin
This damaged skin my soul
is forced to live within
I feel so ugly
yet I feel so selfish
knowing this is the
path of my soul
I feel like heartfelt intimacy
is a distant, far-fetched goal
But I know there is love
within your wisdom

One day, my soul
My mind will be
a homely dwelling
A place where
psychiatrists and pharmacies
aren’t relentlessly selling
their miracle pills
and psychological solutions
Trading a balanced mind
for physiological pollution
But I know
there is a peace
within your wisdom

One day, my soul
My anxieties
will be a forgotten dream
The times I pound at
the I’m-not-normal door
And want to shout and scream
And I don’t know
if I will ever feel human again
I feel like I’m trapped in a hysteria
that blights the soul of men
But I know
there is sanctuary
within your wisdom

One day, my soul
We will soar free and fly
Hearts in restful places
where the sunrise
meets the sky
The oceans will ebb and flow
with the fullness of my being
And Cherubim will fill the heavens
at the unity they’re seeing
And I know
there is perfection
within your wisdom

©2020 Sarah Drury

Strait Jacket

I am not an exceptional human being
for we all wear clothes
Slobbing around in PJ’s when
our tranquilized, minuscule world
is encapsulated
in a space called home
Killer heels when we’re facing the
fucked up world and we remember
who we are, and we straighten
our crowns
Perchance a smidgeon of warpaint
as our battle cries holler into
societal combat
Cherry lips and spider lashes
spun with purest L’Oreal

But I?
I wear a white strait jacket
White as in hospital issue
boiled to death grey
Sanitised and purity leeched
It looks rather smart with
my lithium eyes and my
lunacy smirk
I don’t wear it for ladies’ luncheons
as padded cells are lonesome bistros
And all that cutlery is contraband
And I’m not fucking Houdini

When my couture isn’t a
hospital inspired affair
I am living one
Valium junkie
Lithium chick
Watching the wall for
the clock tock ticks
which govern the drugs
which make me well
But make me sick
Don’t go high, you’ll crash
Don’t go low, you’ll crash
Can anyone tell me
how to score
a gram of sanity?

Does anyone want to
hold my strait jacket for me?
Try it on?
Wear it with me?

©2020 Sarah Drury

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

I Had a Dream

I thought about ending it all
of that sweet release
as I drifted off to sleep
Would it be all devils and pitchforks
and sunstroke in Hell?
Or would it be angels and clouds
and harps and Prozac?

And I had a dream
Like Martin Luther King
Except in mine I was knocking on
the doors of heaven
and they were locked
It said no mentally ill in here
And at first I thought maybe
they hadn’t seen
my clean heart
I had showered today and
that was a start
I didn’t look like a hooker
with my fuck me heels
and ripe cherry pout
So let me in

And I had a dream
like Martin Luther King
that even in my darkest hour
With pills in my palms
and debating the relevance of
my existence
Perceptions of the mentally ill
Would lose their sting of sour
Mental, loony, crackpot, psycho
lunatic, schizo
negative, negative, negative, negative
Tie me in a straight jacket
Lock me in a padded cell
And don’t forget the lithium!

And I had a dream
like Martin Luther king
But the people of colour
were free
and the mentally ill were slaves
And society was a hotbed of prejudice
And they put us in glass cages
And they paid a pound a peek
And they laughed
and they laughed
and they laughed

And I had a dream
Like Martin Luther King
where I knocked on Heaven’s door
and it was closed
Like the job applications
Like the lovers I’d had
Like the aspirations of being
‘normal’
Like my fake faced friends
Like my destiny

And I thought of the one thing
that tethers me to this Earth
And his tiny hand slipped in mine
And his tender heart healed my wounds
And I knew heaven
didn’t need another angel

©2020 Sarah Drury